Tales of the Jazz Age Read online

  "All right—old boy! As Lady Diana Manners says, "Shoot 'em, Jelly–bean"—My luck's gone."

  "Mr. Taylor," said Jim, carelessly, "we'll shoot for one of those there checks against the cash."

  Half an hour later Nancy swayed forward and clapped him on the back.

  "Stole my luck, you did." She was nodding her head sagely.

  Jim swept up the last check and putting it with the others tore them into confetti and scattered them on the floor. Someone started singing and Nancy kicking her chair backward rose to her feet.

  "Ladies and gentlemen," she announced, "Ladies—that's you Marylyn. I want to tell the world that Mr. Jim Powell, who is a well–known Jelly–bean of this city, is an exception to the great rule—"lucky in dice—unlucky in love." He's lucky in dice, and as matter of fact I—I love him. Ladies and gentlemen, Nancy Lamar, famous dark–haired beauty often featured in the Herald as one the most popular members of younger set as other girls are often featured in this particular case; Wish to announce—wish to announce, anyway, Gentlemen—" She tipped suddenly. Clark caught her and restored her balance.

  "My error," she laughed, "she—stoops to—stoops to—anyways—We'll drink to Jelly–bean… Mr. Jim Powell, King of the Jelly–beans."

  And a few minutes later as Jim waited hat in hand for Clark in the darkness of that same corner of the porch where she had come searching for gasolene, she appeared suddenly beside him.

  "Jelly–bean," she said, "are you here, Jelly–bean? I think—" and her slight unsteadiness seemed part of an enchanted dream—"I think you deserve one of my sweetest kisses for that, Jelly–bean."

  For an instant her arms were around his neck—her lips were pressed to his.

  "I'm a wild part of the world, Jelly–bean, but you did me a good turn."

  Then she was gone, down the porch, over the cricket–loud lawn. Jim saw Merritt come out the front door and say something to her angrily—saw her laugh and, turning away, walk with averted eyes to his car. Marylyn and Joe followed, singing a drowsy song about a Jazz baby.

  Clark came out and joined Jim on the steps. "All pretty lit, I guess," he yawned. "Merritt's in a mean mood. He's certainly off Nancy."

  Over east along the golf course a faint rug of gray spread itself across the feet of the night. The party in the car began to chant a chorus as the engine warmed up.

  "Good–night everybody," called Clark.

  "Good–night, Clark."

  "Good–night."

  There was a pause, and then a soft, happy voice added,

  "Good–night, Jelly–bean."

  The car drove off to a burst of singing. A rooster on a farm across the way took up a solitary mournful crow, and behind them, a last negro waiter turned out the porch light, Jim and Clark strolled over toward the Ford, their, shoes crunching raucously on the gravel drive.

  "Oh boy!" sighed Clark softly, "how you can set those dice!"

  It was still too dark for him to see the flush on Jim's thin cheeks—or to know that it was a flush of unfamiliar shame.

  IV

  Over Tilly's garage a bleak room echoed all day to the rumble and snorting down–stairs and the singing of the negro washers as they turned the hose on the cars outside. It was a cheerless square of a room, punctuated with a bed and a battered table on which lay half a dozen books—Joe Miller's "Slow Train thru Arkansas,""Lucille," in an old edition very much annotated in an old–fashioned hand; "The Eyes of the World," by Harold Bell Wright, and an ancient prayer–book of the Church of England with the name Alice Powell and the date 1831 written on the fly–leaf.

  The East, gray when Jelly–bean entered the garage, became a rich and vivid blue as he turned on his solitary electric light. He snapped it out again, and going to the window rested his elbows on the sill and stared into the deepening morning. With the awakening of his emotions, his first perception was a sense of futility, a dull ache at the utter grayness of his life. A wall had sprung up suddenly around him hedging him in, a wall as definite and tangible as the white wall of his bare room. And with his perception of this wall all that had been the romance of his existence, the casualness, the light–hearted improvidence, the miraculous open–handedness of life faded out. The Jelly–bean strolling up Jackson Street humming a lazy song, known at every shop and street stand, cropful of easy greeting and local wit, sad sometimes for only the sake of sadness and the flight of time—that Jelly–bean was suddenly vanished. The very name was a reproach, a triviality. With a flood of insight he knew that Merritt must despise him, that even Nancy's kiss in the dawn would have awakened not jealousy but only a contempt for Nancy's so lowering herself. And on his part the Jelly–bean had used for her a dingy subterfuge learned from the garage. He had been her moral laundry; the stains were his.

  As the gray became blue, brightened and filled the room, he crossed to his bed and threw himself down on it, gripping the edges fiercely.

  "I love her," he cried aloud, "God!"

  As he said this something gave way within him like a lump melting in his throat. The air cleared and became radiant with dawn, and turning over on his face he began to sob dully into the pillow.

  In the sunshine of three o'clock Clark Darrow chugging painfully along Jackson Street was hailed by the Jelly–bean, who stood on the curb with his fingers in his vest pockets.

  "Hi!" called Clark, bringing his Ford to an astonishing stop alongside. "Just get up?"

  The Jelly–bean shook his head.

  "Never did go to bed. Felt sorta restless, so I took a long walk this morning out in the country. Just got into town this minute."

  "Should think you would feel restless. I been feeling thataway all day—"

  "I'm thinkin' of leavin' town" continued the Jelly–bean, absorbed by his own thoughts. "Been thinkin' of goin' up on the farm, and takin' a little that work off Uncle Dun. Reckin I been bummin' too long."

  Clark was silent and the Jelly–bean continued:

  "I reckin maybe after Aunt Mamie dies I could sink that money of mine in the farm and make somethin' out of it. All my people originally came from that part up there. Had a big place."

  Clark looked at him curiously.

  "That's funny," he said. "This—this sort of affected me the same way."

  The Jelly–bean hesitated.

  "I don't know," he began slowly, "somethin' about—about that girl last night talkin' about a lady named Diana Manners—an English lady, sorta got me thinkin'!" He drew himself up and looked oddly at Clark, "I had a family once," he said defiantly.

  Clark nodded.

  "I know."

  "And I'm the last of 'em," continued the Jelly–bean his voice rising slightly, "and I ain't worth shucks. Name they call me by means jelly—weak and wobbly like. People who weren't nothin' when my folks was a lot turn up their noses when they pass me on the street."

  Again Clark was silent.

  "So I'm through, I'm goin' to–day. And when I come back to this town it's going to be like a gentleman."

  Clark took out his handkerchief and wiped his damp brow.

  "Reckon you're not the only one it shook up," he admitted gloomily. "All this thing of girls going round like they do is going to stop right quick. Too bad, too, but everybody'll have to see it thataway."

  "Do you mean," demanded Jim in surprise, "that all that's leaked out?"

  "Leaked out? How on earth could they keep it secret. It'll be announced in the papers to–night. Doctor Lamar's got to save his name somehow."

  Jim put his hands on the sides of the car and tightened his long fingers on the metal.

  "Do you mean Taylor investigated those checks?"

  It was Clark's turn to be surprised.

  "Haven't you heard what happened?"

  Jim's startled eyes were answer enough.

  "Why," announced Clark dramatically, "those four got another bottle of corn, got tight and decided to shock the town—so Nancy and that fella Merritt were married in Rockville at seven o'clock this morning
."

  A tiny indentation appeared in the metal under the Jelly–bean's fingers.

  "Married?"

  "Sure enough. Nancy sobered up and rushed back into town, crying and frightened to death—claimed it'd all been a mistake. First Doctor Lamar went wild and was going to kill Merritt, but finally they got it patched up some way, and Nancy and Merritt went to Savannah on the two–thirty train."

  Jim closed his eyes and with an effort overcame a sudden sickness.

  "It's too bad," said Clark philosophically. "I don't mean the wedding—reckon that's all right, though I don't guess Nancy cared a darn about him. But it's a crime for a nice girl like that to hurt her family that way."

  The Jelly–bean let go the car and turned away. Again something was going on inside him, some inexplicable but almost chemical change.

  "Where you going?" asked Clark.

  The Jelly–bean turned and looked dully back over his shoulder.

  "Got to go," he muttered. "Been up too long; feelin' right sick."

  "Oh."

  * * * * *

  The street was hot at three and hotter still at four, the April dust seeming to enmesh the sun and give it forth again as a world–old joke forever played on an eternity of afternoons. But at half past four a first layer of quiet fell and the shades lengthened under the awnings and heavy foliaged trees. In this heat nothing mattered. All life was weather, a waiting through the hot where events had no significance for the cool that was soft and caressing like a woman's hand on a tired forehead. Down in Georgia there is a feeling—perhaps inarticulate—that this is the greatest wisdom of the South—so after a while the Jelly–bean turned into a poolhall on Jackson Street where he was sure to find a congenial crowd who would make all the old jokes—the ones he knew.

  THE CAMEL'S BACK

  I

  The glazed eye of the tired reader resting for a second on the above title will presume it to be merely metaphorical. Stories about the cup and the lip and the bad penny and the new broom rarely have anything, to do with cups or lips or pennies or brooms. This story Is the exception. It has to do with a material, visible and large–as–life camel's back.

  Starting from the neck we shall work toward the tail. I want you to meet Mr. Perry Parkhurst, twenty–eight, lawyer, native of Toledo. Perry has nice teeth, a Harvard diploma, parts his hair in the middle. You have met him before—in Cleveland, Portland, St. Paul, Indianapolis, Kansas City, and so forth. Baker Brothers, New York, pause on their semi–annual trip through the West to clothe him; Montmorency & Co. dispatch a young man post–haste every three months to see that he has the correct number of little punctures on his shoes. He has a domestic roadster now, will have a French roadster if he lives long enough, and doubtless a Chinese tank if it comes into fashion. He looks like the advertisement of the young man rubbing his sunset–colored chest with liniment and goes East every other year to his class reunion.

  I want you to meet his Love. Her name is Betty Medill, and she would take well in the movies. Her father gives her three hundred a month to dress on, and she has tawny eyes and hair and feather fans of five colors. I shall also introduce her father, Cyrus Medill. Though he is to all appearances flesh and blood, he is, strange to say, commonly known in Toledo as the Aluminum Man. But when he sits in his club window with two or three Iron Men, and the White Pine Man, and the Brass Man, they look very much as you and I do, only more so, if you know what I mean.

  Now during the Christmas holidays of 1919 there took place in Toledo, counting only the people with the italicized the, forty–one dinner parties, sixteen dances, six luncheons, male and female, twelve teas, four stag dinners, two weddings, and thirteen bridge parties. It was the cumulative effect of all this that moved Perry Parkhurst on the twenty–ninth day of December to a decision.

  This Medill girl would marry him and she wouldn't marry him. She was having such a good time that she hated to take such a definite step. Meanwhile, their secret engagement had got so long that it seemed as if any day it might break off of its own weight. A little man named Warburton, who knew it all, persuaded Perry to superman her, to get a marriage license and go up to the Medill house and tell her she'd have to marry him at once or call it off forever. So he presented himself, his heart, his license, and his ultimatum, and within five minutes they were in the midst of a violent quarrel, a burst of sporadic open fighting such as occurs near the end of all long wars and engagements. It brought about one of those ghastly lapses in which two people who are in love pull up sharp, look at each other coolly and think it's all been a mistake. Afterward they usually kiss wholesomely and assure the other person it was all their fault. Say it all was my fault! Say it was! I want to hear you say it!

  But while reconciliation was trembling in the air, while each was, in a measure, stalling it off, so that they might the more voluptuously and sentimentally enjoy it when it came, they were permanently interrupted by a twenty–minute phone call for Betty from a garrulous aunt. At the end of eighteen minutes Perry Parkhurst, urged on by pride and suspicion and injured dignity, put on his long fur coat, picked up his light brown soft hat, and stalked out the door,

  "It's all over," he muttered brokenly as he tried to jam his car into first. "It's all over—if I have to choke you for an hour, damn you!". The last to the car, which had been standing some time and was quite cold.

  He drove downtown—that is, he got into a snow rut that led him downtown. He sat slouched down very low in his seat, much too dispirited to care where he went.

  In front of the Clarendon Hotel he was hailed from the sidewalk by a bad man named Baily, who had big teeth and lived at the hotel and had never been in love.

  "Perry," said the bad man softly when the roadster drew up beside him at the, curb, "I've got six quarts of the doggonedest still champagne you ever tasted. A third of it's yours, Perry, if you'll come up–stairs and help Martin Macy and me drink it."

  "Baily," said Perry tensely, "I'll drink your champagne. I'll drink every drop of it, I don't care if it kills me."

  "Shut up, you nut!" said the bad man gently. "They don't put wood alcohol in champagne. This is the stuff that proves the world is more than six thousand years old. It's so ancient that the cork is petrified. You have to pull it with a stone drill."

  "Take me up–stairs," said Perry moodily. "If that cork sees my heart it'll fall out from pure mortification."

  The room up–stairs was full of those innocent hotel pictures of little girls eating apples and sitting in swings and talking to dogs. The other decorations were neckties and a pink man reading a pink paper devoted to ladies in pink tights.

  "When you have to go into the highways and byways——" said the pink man, looking reproachfully at Baily and Perry.

  "Hello, Martin Macy," said Perry shortly, "where's this stone–age champagne?"

  "What's the rush? This isn't an operation, understand. This is a party."

  Perry sat down dully and looked disapprovingly at all the neckties.

  Baily leisurely opened the door of a wardrobe and brought out six handsome bottles.

  "Take off that darn fur coat!" said Martin Macy to Perry. "Or maybe you'd like to have us open all the windows."

  "Give me champagne," said Perry.

  "Going to the Townsends' circus ball to–night?"

  "Am not!"

  "'Vited?"

  "Uh–huh."

  "Why not go?"

  "Oh, I'm sick of parties," exclaimed Perry. "I'm sick of 'em. I've been to so many that I'm sick of 'em."

  "Maybe you're going to the Howard Tates' party?"

  "No, I tell you; I'm sick of 'em."

  "Well," said Macy consolingly, "the Tates' is just for college kids anyways."

  "I tell you——"

  "I thought you'd be going to one of 'em anyways. I see by the papers you haven't missed a one this Christmas."

  "Hm," grunted Perry morosely.

  He would never go to any more parties. Classical phrases played in his mi
nd—that side of his life was closed, closed. Now when a man says "closed, closed" like that, you can be pretty sure that some woman has double–closed him, so to speak. Perry was also thinking that other classical thought, about how cowardly suicide is. A noble thought that one—warm and inspiring. Think of all the fine men we should lose if suicide were not so cowardly!

  An hour later was six o'clock, and Perry had lost all resemblance to the young man in the liniment advertisement. He looked like a rough draft for a riotous cartoon. They were singing—an impromptu song of Baily's improvisation:

  One Lump Perry, the parlor snake,

  Famous through the city for the way he drinks his tea;

  Plays with it, toys with it

  Makes no noise with it,

  Balanced on a napkin on his well–trained knee—

  "Trouble is," said Perry, who had just banged his hair with Baily's comb and was tying an orange tie round it to get the effect of Julius Caesar, "that you fellas can't sing worth a damn. Soon's I leave the air and start singing tenor you start singin' tenor too,"

  "'M a natural tenor," said Macy gravely. "Voice lacks cultivation, tha's all. Gotta natural voice, m'aunt used say. Naturally good singer."

  "Singers, singers, all good singers," remarked Baily, who was at the telephone. "No, not the cabaret; I want night egg. I mean some dog–gone clerk 'at's got food—food! I want——"

  "Julius Caesar," announced Perry, turning round from the mirror. "Man of iron will and stern 'termination"

  "Shut up!" yelled Baily. "Say, iss Mr. Baily Sen' up enormous supper. Use y'own judgment. Right away."

  He connected the receiver and the hook with some difficulty, and then with his lips closed and an expression of solemn intensity in his eyes went to the lower drawer of his dresser and pulled it open.

  "Lookit!" he commanded. In his hands he held a truncated garment of pink gingham.

  "Pants," he exclaimed gravely. "Lookit!"

  This was a pink blouse, a red tie, and a Buster Brown collar.

  "Lookit!" he repeated. "Costume for the Townsends' circus ball. I'm li'l' boy carries water for the elephants."